Oh to be able to turn back time, to know back then what I unfortunately know now. Hindsight is indeed 20/20! Rather than using this blog to simply highlight our journey and provide a positive glimpse into our world, I should have been truly chronicling all that has occurred over the last year. Thinking back I may have fooled myself into believing that while we were indeed facing a terrible ordeal we would still have the same positive outcome we did 6 years ago. Maybe not addressing the more difficult issues we have faced was my own method of self-preservation. Ignorance is after all bliss. Right? And there is always the excuse that life is meant to be lived not written about. After all there are better ways to spend one’s time and energy than to document every minor happenstance. Who has that kind of time? And yes, that would be the same reason that my boys have half-completed baby books. Though I am sure life will be just fine for them even if they don’t happen to know what solid food they first ate or the date they lost their first tooth. At least I hope so. Yikes, more regrets.
I now find myself truly regretting not documenting more details of our journey. So moving forward that is what I plan to do. For those who have followed our journey via the blog you are welcome to do so. This will be my electronic journal where I can record my personal thoughts, observations and feelings. I will do my best to keep it inspirational but be assured it will also be sprinkled with not only the good, but the bad and the ugly. The truth can be ugly and lately there has been lots of ugly.
We have spent the better part of the last two months telling doctors that we are concerned regarding dad’s memory and weakness. Finally there was agreement that there had been a decline but no agreement to what may be the cause. It could be aftermath of radiation…maybe not. It could be due to dehydration…maybe not. Or my absolute favorite from the quack neurologist we visited, ‘Chemo and Radiation can be hard on the body’. No kidding Sherlock. Let me call Unsolved Mysteries to clue them in. Ugh!! I am very capable of seeing how hard it has been on both the mind and the body thank you. And just a tip Dr. Quack…doctors like you can be hard on the mind as well. I found myself wanting to scream the entire way out of your office. You didn’t tell us anything that I haven’t already seen, heard or read on Google.
What I do know with certainty is that we are not giving up the fight. We will not lose faith, we will not give up hope, and we face each day as it comes. We will be there for dad when his steps falter and he needs our guidance, we will encourage him to eat and drink to regain his strength, we will remind him that he IS at home, and perhaps most importantly we will continue to support each other. No one would ever choose to face cancer, but given the choice I would choose every time to go through it with the support of MY family. So while I can’t turn back time, I can turn to my family and turn to my God. HE is after all ‘Holding My World’.
Take a listen…..http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nJfGCKD9g_4
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