A tad bit selfish??

Driving to work in the dark this morning I found myself in prayer.  For me prayer has always been personal and intimate and contained within my own mind and heart.  Praying out loud has never been easy for me, and perhaps it was because I was alone in my car, but today the words flowed free and easy….though just at a whisper.  I certainly can’t have all the drivers on the highway wondering what kind of crazy person I am talking to myself, can I? 

I can’t imagine that I am the only one who sometimes feels selfish in their prayers. I mean we are told to ask and bring forward all our needs right?   Why then today did I feel like a selfish two year old who was willing to hold her breath and turn beet red in the face until I got what I wanted?   Easy….because I am selfish AND would pretty much be willing to hold my breath until I turned purple in the face if it guaranteed getting the answer I wanted! 

You see my daily my prayer requests always include the health and safety of my family, requests  for daily  guidance and other special prayer requests.  As you might imagine my fervent prayer over the last several months is for my dad to be healed of cancer---complete healing.  The cancer treatment may have helped eradicate the cancer—or maybe not—that would depend on the radiologist reading the scans but that’s another story.  The aftermath of the treatment has left my dad weak and confused.  We have sought answers, remedies and help from the doctors but they have failed to give us any solid solutions.  I know that my dad’s complete healing is not in the hand of any doctor or specialist but solely in God’s hands. 

What I would give to just be able to ‘will’ his healing to happen.  Stubborn is a trait that runs pretty deep in our family…we are blessed to have it from both sides.  Though mom would tell you it was a Carothers trait and dad would say we get it from the Whorton side.  Either way, we are all stubborn as mules and if it was only a matter of sheer will and stubbornness dad would have this thing licked!

Now here is a glimpse into the really selfish part of me.  We have our annual Mt. Nebo trip coming up in two weeks. Truly one of my most favorite places on earth!  We have our favorite big cabin booked where we can sit on the deck and enjoy the cool fresh mountain air and watch the most amazing sunsets!   This year our visit may not be a reality based on dad’s current condition. I want with all my heart for dad to be well enough to go back to Arkansas, to be close to his home and to be able to see his family.   I want us as a FAMILY to enjoy another trip and make more memories. 

Our family has been making this trip for years and truth be told I am not ready to give up on this tradition.  See…selfish right?   To not go though would be acknowledging that things are changing and that they may not ever be the same again.  I’m not ready for that.  Again with the selfishness.

 So my selfish prayers this morning…please bring quick healing to my dad so that he WILL be able to make this trip, not only make it, but make it comfortably without pain or illness and most of all to find enjoyment and happiness while there.   So since we are told to ask, I am asking.  I am asking all day every day.    

'Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.  For everyone who asks receives, the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.'   Mathew 7:7-8

 If anyone reading this would like to add my prayer request to their prayers please know that I would not be opposed.  I would love to be able to post new Mt. Nebo pics on a future blog!   Until then....here is a pic with my wonderful parents from a previous trip!