Keeping Up With The Kidwell's....

Hello my my name is Julie and I am a Reality TV show junkie. 

Yes, it's true.  I am not ashamed to admit it.  And yes, I know that reality TV at best is a mindless form of entertainment, a waste of valuable time and  shouldn't be considered real entertainment. (At least that is what my husband tells me--when he is not sucked into watching it with me....LOL)
My first exposure to realtiy tv was MTV's Real World...you know 'seven strangers picked to live in a hoiuse...yadda yadda yadda'.  Throw in some Survior, Biggest Loser and those Annoying Housewives and Pageant Toddlers and I have probably seen them all.    There probably should be support groups for people like me---hey, that could be a new reality TV show---Reality Rehab by Dr. Drew!  In my defense I have really cut back on the drama reality TV and am now more interested in the DIY shows with 'real' people.  One of my new faves is Property Brothers...not just because the hosts are cutie pies but because I love the BEFORE and AFTER aspects of home projects.

Ok, so what does reality tv have to do with my blog you ask?
Not much, except that I am not loving my new reality.  Not TV reality but my real life reality.  The bad, not so good,  hard days are far outnumbering the good days.  We have to take the bad with the good.... I get it, no one has to beat me over the head to understand that concept.  But it honestly would
not hurt my feelings if there were a few more good and happy moments sprinkled in with the crappy ones.

A quick recap of the less-than-spectacular summer moments in Kidwell household...

• Lockheed Strike -  Finally over thank goodness...but not without some serious overtime hours by the hubby AND a work related injury.  See next bullet point.

• Hubby's broken wrist/surgery -  Got to be careful of that moving machinery at work, you never know when you might get bucked off AND have to have surgery to repair.  Sigh...

• Zak - Speeding Ticket (Shhhh...haven't told his grandparents yet)

• Too many household repairs to list here -- most not even completed yet!

• Cameron broken wrist/surgery -  Yes, you are reading that correctly.  Not one but two broken wrists AND surgeries in the family in less than three months!  Cameron had surgery last Friday and had to have a plate placed in his wrist.  Ten years playing 4 different sports without a major injury...one day at band camp and bingo...down for the count!

There are many more items that I could include in this little list but let's face it some of them had to be excluded to protect the innocent and some I have chosen to block from my mind to protect myself. 

Life can be hard, life can be cruel and right now the biggest reality check of all is that my dad is facing an uphill battle with this stupid cancer and the after affects of treatment.  It's not fair that MRI's, CSF draws and scans show 'no cancer cells' present YET the result is a ravaged body and mind.  Why this outcome?  What is the point of getting rid of the cancer if it means getting rid of the person you once were?  I fear that while the cancer is gone so might be the reality of my dad returning to be the man I know and love.  I watch as slowly each day we face a new obstacle in his 'recovery'.   It's too late to place blame and point fingers....but I want answers.  I want to know that with time he will FULLY recover, that he will be strong and independent and that he will be certain of his surroundings and the love that we all have for him. 

Until then, our reality is that everyday brings a new reality, new challenges and sometimes new tears.  To quote one of my favorite movies...
'Laughter through tears is my favorite emotion'.   The tears part is easy...it's the laughing part that needs some work. So I'm going to do my best to see the good, the happy and the funny in each day.

We're not doubting that God will do the best for us, we're wondering how painful the best will turn out to be." -CS Lewis

Did I mention that I tend to stess eat?  Yep, it can be ugly people.  And yes I type that as I am devouring a large bag of Mint M&M's Amy Lou presented me with yesterday.   So be on the lookout for a new reality show:  Say Yes to the Extra Large Dress!

When it rains it pours ~ Where the heck is my umbrella?

Who doesn’t like a little rain?  Who wants some rain?  I know lots of people in my corner of the world who would be tickled pink to get some good soaking rain right now.  Not only is it nine kinds of hot outside but the grass and trees are slowly fading to brown and dying, jumping into the swimming pool is like taking a warm bath and the stepping into my car after work feels like crawling into a furnace PLUS I risk 3^rd degree burns from the leather seats……oops…I digress!

So rain can be good…should be good…right?!

So why do we use the phrase ‘when it rains it pours’ as a negative phrase?  (Interesting tidbit….it originated from a positive slogan about table salt…Google it!)

Suffice it to say I am using the rain phrase as a negative.  I have had more ‘rain’ than I would care for in the last year. Rain meaning problems, issues, difficulties…whatever you want to label them. This blog was a product of the ‘storm’ that hit our family last fall and placed us on the rocky path we now travel.  I still stand firmly on my faith….but it’s hard not to be shaken when you don’t see the positive outcomes you expect and desire.  We all face trials and difficult times in our lives and we simply have to do our best to endure and overcome them.  Make lemonade out of lemons...that kind of thing....so much easier said than done.

Funny how life tends to teach us perspective based on the issues and challenges we face.

Days gone by would have found me upset about boys not making their beds before going to school, hubby not cleaning up the sink good after a shave or not having any milk to go with my Oreos.  Who am I kidding….those things still drive me crazy!   So not only am I dealing with some of life’s biggest issues but I still get to deal with the irritating ‘small stuff’ that I am not supposed to sweat. Anyone keeping up with the number of cute quotes I have incorporated?  (Totally unplanned I might add—but totally appropriate!)

Dad’s brain cancer journey pretty much beats out ALL of my issues—big, little or otherwise.  The fight seems to be never ending.  When will he feel better?  When will he be stronger?  The side effects of the treatment are seemingly as bad as the cancer itself.   So I wait and watch as he struggles to rise from his chair, unsteadily making his way to the back door all the while hoping that he makes it successfully down each step to his favored patio chair without falling.  Wishing daily that he will be able to eat or drink something that will bring him some much needed nutrition and now praying that the oncologist will be able to give us some answers and direction at our visit tomorrow.

Yes, I would say that his struggles far outweigh my little issues – like returning from vacation to find my sweet co-worker left me a nice pile of incomplete work or finding out that my youngest broke his wrist during first day of band camp.  Really??  I’m not caring much for this kind of rain.  Ice Cream please!

The kind of rain I am praying for is some showers of blessings…those have been in short supply as of late.  I’m going to pull out my umbrella, throw on my galoshes and pray for some sweet showers.  When those showers come you will find me singing and dancing in the rain!

I will bless them and the places surrounding my hill. I will send down showers in season; there will be showers of blessing.     Ezekiel 34:26

Dear Cancer.....How about a vacation?!

Vacation... need one?

Webster's defines vacation as: 

1) Freedom from any activity; rest, respite; intermission
2) A period of rest and freedom from work, study, etc; time of recreation
3) the act of making vacant

I always look forward to getting away on vacation.  Don't you?   What I don't look forward to is the packing and preparations and then the unpacking and the mounds of laundry that seem to follow.  And as much as I look forward to getting away to enjoy some time away from work and home there is no sweeter feeling than arriving back home to my own house and my own sweet bed. 

Our road trip this year proved to be no different.  I packed (overpacked actually...it's a Carothers girl tradition) and prepared for our LONG road trip to Florida to soak up some sun and relaxation. Beach time was a success!  I love the early mornings on the beach where you can spend quiet time just taking in the serenity of your surroundings.  I would love to be able to bring 'beach time' home with me to enjoy every morning.  As expected though I was very happy to get home.  I missed my family, I missed my house and I especially missed my bed!  Ah, the sweet comforts of home.

For the past few summers I have taken a two week vacation from work.  I think everyone should get a paid 2 week vacation.  Who doesn't need time to relax and refresh?  My plans include enjoying  family time away from home the first week  and the second week is selfishly for me to do what I want.  I usually plan very noble projects like cleaning closets, getting ready for back to school, doing some serious cleaning which typically translates to sister time shopping, movies, eating out and pretty much foregoing my 'projects'.
This year 'my' week ended up being a mish-mash of appointments, none of which could be considered 'fun'.  What was I thinking scheduling my dental and mammogram appointment for this week?   A required parent meeting for band...ugh!  There were a few 'me' moments sprinkled here and there but disappointed that I wasn't quiet able to capture more time to take care of other things.

All that being said..I have to put things in perspective.  Ok, so my vacation didn't go exactly as planned but it was two weeks away from work and the drama that surrounds the office...bonus!
I got to enjoy some family time chilling and watching the olympics in the evening.  I got to do a little shopping with Amy, and even managed to cross a few items off my to-do list.

So by definition I did have a vacation this summer.  And while it is winding down way too quickly I am trying to be thankful.  What I would really be thankful for however is if cancer decided to take a vacation.  So here goes....

Dear Cancer,

I really think it's about time you take a vacation!  I will happily purchase you a one-way ticket out of here. Pack your bags and take all of your ugly little cells with you.  No need for any spending money as we do not want any crummy souvenirs you may want to bring back. No GPS or map for you either...I will not help you by giving you directions.  You have escorted us long enough on this journey and we are ready to travel the rest of this path without you.  You will excuse me if I do not wish you safe travels......

On behalf of all cancer victims....good-bye!