I am ready for a day off. I would really , really like a day off. Not a day off from work. (though let’s admit it…that would be great!) It’s not even a day off from dealing with the everyday annoyances like getting kids off to school, doing dishes, laundry, etc that I would like. No, what I really want is a day off from life.
Now before you go thinking that I am heading on some downward spiral let me assure that is not the case. Time has just not been kind to my family this year and while we continue to move forward and live our lives it is not without reflection on the fact that cancer has invaded our world once again. It’s no longer just about the disease but the aftermath of treatment left in its place.
Heavily weighing on my heart for some time is the fact that life will likely never return to our once known ‘normal’. Time is a gift and each day we have should be treated as such but frankly I have had some days lately where I found myself wishing to exchange or even return my ‘gift’. Days when I see my dad as a shell of his former self, the days when he has to be picked up off the floor after another fall, days when we are begging him to eat and drink to no avail, days when doctors don’t seem to have any real answers or solutions. Those are the days that I would like to trade away. I would like to replace those days with days of old---watching him on his John Deere, taking care of his yard, teasing his grandsons about their hair length and girls and well, just being my dad.
So the kind of day off I am asking for is really a day off from my current reality. Not too realistic huh? The person who really deserves a day off is my mom. I’ve always known her to be a strong person but she must face this new reality 24/7. Nurse, chef, pharmacist, housekeeper and aide all rolled into one…Florence Nightingale meet your match! I really wish we could be there more AND do more for her.
Driving into work yesterday I heard an interesting analogy comparing backpack-wearing hikers to people carrying burdens. While the hiker must sometimes struggle with his heavy backpack, someone else can come along and just lift it to ease the load a little. It doesn’t mean his burden is entirely erased but the brief respite can ease his travels. This is what I want to do for my mom…ease her travels as we continue this journey.
I know mom and Amy share my ‘Thanks’ to those who have already lifted our ‘backpacks’ during this journey. It is a blessing to know so many people care and are willing to help lighten the load. And for those of you who have walked in our shoes, if you ever wanted to share ideas on how we could help lighten Mom’s we wouldn’t turn you down.
Since my desire for a day ‘off’ isn’t likely to happen I will just keep praying for the wisdom, strength and peace to find some positive in our journey…making sure to soak up the scenery and memories we make along the way. And lastly, I will try to start my day with a full tank of hope and remember to re-fuel before hitting empty.
"So teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom." ~Psalms 90:12
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