Finding purpose through cancer......

On May 18^th my sister, nephew and I will be participating in the Relay for Life.  That is 84 days from now so the countdown is on.  What was originally intended to be a walk in honor of our dad’s five year remission mark has now turned into a show of force in his newest battle of cancer!    That means we have 84 days to prepare….to get in shape physically and mentally, to raise money and bring awareness to finding a cure.

In the last few days I have learned of three more friends and family members whose lives have now been touched in some way by cancer.  This does not include a long list of friends and family that were already engaged in their own fight against cancer or other serious health issues.  I am sure I am more sensitive to the news now simply because I know how lives will be changed because of this diagnosis.  I cannot imagine how many more people’s lives will be touched and changed in the next 84 days due to a cancer diagnosis.  Some of those will be people that I know and love and others will be complete and total strangers.  Regardless my heart goes out to all of them and their families!  I can relate to the initial shock, sadness, fear, anger and then the eventual feeling of HOPE…at least in my case… as we decide to fight this dreaded disease.   

 I honestly wish I could do more for others that find themselves fighting for their health.   This has been heavy on my mind and heart for the last few weeks.   I believe we all want to be there for our family and friends during their times of trials.  We often extend our prayers and offers of help.  I want to do more! I don’t want my words to be just words.  I want to put action behind them.   While praying is important....I want to be able to do more than add someone to my prayer list.  I want to be able to truly be there….doing something…offering encouragement…helping meet their needs in their time of need!

So in my time of quiet reflection this week, this has brought me to really examine what is the purpose of my  life.  Please don’t mistake this as me questioning the meaning of life.  I’m certainly not ready to delve into something quiet that deep.  I’ve just paused to consider…what is MY purpose?  Sure, I have many roles to which I bring purpose…as a wife, a mother, a daughter, a sister, etc…. but in the  big picture of life what has been MY purpose?  What have I accomplished?  Have I made a difference in the lives of others?  I want to!    Have I helped when I could?  I’ve tried to!  Have I done more good than bad?  I hope so!  Have I reached out when I should?  I’m not sure… I think I may have fallen short .

 Is it possible that cancer has forced me to seek purpose for my life?  I think so…..

The way you get meaning into your life
is to devote yourself to loving others,
devote yourself to your community around you,
and devote yourself to creating something
that gives you purpose and meaning
- Mitch Albom

For more information on you can donate to Relay for Life please click on the following link.   http://main.acsevents.org/goto/jrkidwell

Love is in the air! (and at Harris Ft. Worth - Rm 728)

It’s Valentine’s Eve and no one can deny that love is in the air.  No sooner than the stores had cleared out their Christmas merchandise did hey begin ushering in the Valentine goodies. All one has to do is darken the doorway of say Wal-Mart, CVS, Walgreens, etc and you are bombarded with the trappings of the holiday…..Valentine cards, heart-shaped boxes of candy and of course flowers!  I think it is wonderful that we have one day set aside to celebrate love.  Honestly though I think love should be celebrated EVERY day regardless of the type of love….romantic love, love for our family and friends or our love of Jesus!

Tomorrow will mark six years since my dad began his first fight with the ugly ‘C’ word-----C.A.N.C.E.R!   I cannot think of a word I dislike more.  We were so thankful that he was able to beat it and go into remission for five sweet years.  Now that he is having to fight cancer again, a new type of cancer no less,  I think of how unfair it is that anyone should have to suffer what he has endured these last few months.  I would like to think that one of the things helping him through this is the LOVE of his family.  He is the one having to do the fighting but be assured we are not just sitting quietly by on the sidelines by any means.  We are more than observers, we are more than cheerleaders, we are actively involved in all aspects of his care and treatment.    (Just ask his nurses about us…but be prepared you might get an earful)  Whether it is attending doctor’s appointments, keeping up with his meds, or overnight hospital stays…..we do all that we do because we LOVE him!  Love can be a powerful thing!  I love the following verse:  

Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful and endures through every circumstance. ~ I Corinthians 13:7 

How true it is!  God’s love for us is amazing and while we may never truly comprehend the depth of his love I do know the depth of my love for him and for my family.  As a family our love will see us through any trial, we will never give up, we will never lose faith and we will always be hopeful through EVERY circumstance.    

So as the rest of the world spends Valentine’s Day exchanging cards, sending flowers, and sampling delicious chocolates from their candy box, I will be celebrating the day with my  family at the hospital  and  I will be thankful for them and  the love that we share….the romantic love for my husband, my motherly love for my boys, my daughterly love for my parents, my sisterly love for Amy Lou, and the love I have for all of my family and friends.   My hope is that everyone loves and feels loved tomorrow and every day!  Because seriously…love is in the air!

May the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, and the love of God, and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you all.  ~2 Corinthians 13:13-14

There Is No Place Like Home!

It’s official!   Dad scored an early release from the hospital and is now sitting on his back patio enjoying this beautiful sunny day!  Mom had their bags packed and loaded in the car, dad was changed into his street clothes, all while waiting for the final IV to finish so they could hit the road to home.  This concludes his fourth chemo treatment and fifth hospital stay in the past 13 weeks.  We become more educated on what to expect with each stay but that doesn’t mean things improve with each stay.  For example, we have the admission process down pat, know our way around the seventh floor, and know to have plenty of things to ‘entertain’ ourselves while there…books, phone, iPod, laptop and dad’s newest play pretty….an iPad!    Some of the things that don’t necessarily change or improve are shift changes, money-eating vending machines, and sleepless nights.  With this in mind I have come up with the following:

Top 10 Reasons to Avoid the Hospital

1.    Being in the hospital usually means you are hurt or sick and who wants to be either of those??

2.   Hospital gowns….seriously have you seen those things?  They leave a lot to be covered and they are certainly not fashionable at all.  That’s why dad bring his own coordinating pajamas! (Courtesy of his wife and daughters..he always looks good!)

3.   Hospital food…..Let’s just say that even though you may have a variety to choose from, the likelihood of you receiving your food hot probably depends on how close your room is to the kitchen.  And it may be due to the chemo…but dad says it has no flavor at all.  I’m not very daring when it comes to food tasting so l will have to take him at his word.

4.    Sleep….You aren’t staying at the Hilton and you can’t hang a ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign on your door, so don’t count on getting a good night’s sleep.  It’s sure to be interrupted so they can do all those important things like make sure you are still breathing, taking your temp, pulse and the occasional blood draw.

5.    IV Poles….Being hooked up to one of these things is almost the equivalent to putting a pet on a leash.  You only have so much freedom to move about.  They can also hamper your efforts when trying to make a mad dash to the bathroom....just sayin!

6.   Speaking of bathrooms….Urine collection definitely needs to be added to the list.

First of all, who really wants to have to ‘collect’ their own urine? This requires a little preparation…so when the urge hits you better get moving to the bathroom and hope that IV lines are long enough to let you get there (See #5) or that you are operating on batteries!    

7.    Room Temperature….Be advised, hospitals like to keep things nice and chilly.  So you might want to take that into consideration when you are selecting what PJ’s you want to wear.  Also a scarf,  gloves and electric blanket might be serviceable options to consider when packing for an extended stay as well.

8.    TV…  It’s great that most hospital rooms have TV’s.  It’s kind of hard to keep up with your favorite TV shows when you don’t have a program guide to know what channels you have.    I guess TV watching shouldn't really be priority in the hospital but you have to do someting to pass the time.  :)

9.   Hospital Beds….Otherwise known as a 4 inch thick piece of vinyl that occasionally has air blowing through it.  A stack of cardboard would likely be more comfortable than the hospital mattresses that we have experienced.  I can assure you that the hospital mattresses do not come from Sealy Posturepedic!

10.  Nurses/Techs….. I can assure you that a good hospital stay is largely dependent on the quality and personality of the nurses and techs that are assigned to you.  We are thankful because we have had some of the best nurses and techs during dad’s stay.  However, there is one nurse’s name that will not be soon forgotten (make that two).   I respect the hard work they do and know they deal with many different types of people and situations on a daily basis.  I’ll just say that a smile and pleasant attitude can go along way with a patient.

      Now my top 10 things were listed in fun as much as seriousness, so I do hope that patients and their families can appreciate the hard work that goes into caring for them.  I also hope that nurses and caregivers can appreciate that without patients there would be no need for them.  Our family has gone out of the way to be helpful without hindering them from getting their job done.  (In some cases doing their job--refer back to #6, but it's all good)

On that note, I imagine dad must have clicked the heels of his beige slippers saying ‘There is no place like home’ after getting the news of early release today!  And I for one have to agree…  There Is No Place Like Home!

Always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.    Ephesians 5:20

Part II - Milestones, Memories, Miracles & MOM!

It is with much happiness and thankfulness that our family finds itself marking yet another milestone.  Our appointment with the oncologist on Friday, January 20th revealed that dad's blood counts had rebounded and were allowing us the opportunity to resume chemo treatment.   It probably sounds odd to want a loved one to undergo chemotherapy but in this case we know that completing the prescribed chemo treatments provides the best chance for a successful outcome.  So therefore we are very thankful to be able to continue the fight and will continue praying for --and expecting--complete healing for dad, our miracle man!

As we experince the many twists and turns of this journey I find myself very thankful to also have a miracle mom who has been a rock for her famlily through it all.  How blessed I am to have grown up with such a thoughtful, generous, loving woman who is always giving of herself.  She is the ultimate caregiver! In addition to the normal daily tasks she carefully dispenses meds, keeps track of vitals, stays on top of doctor appointments and all the information that comes with those and is at my dad's side continually at the hospital.    Years of experience raising two daughters and caring for three grandsons no doubt proved easier than the journey she now faces...but she does it with both courage and grace!

So as we continue this journey.....

• I will remember each day is a gift to be treasured...not just in the difficult times but the good times as well. 
• I will cherish the memories from years past and look forward to the new ones yet to be made. 
• I will give thanks for my family and all that they bring to my life.
• I will be in prayer for my dad and for so many others that I know that are currently fighting cancer.
• I will be thankful to my friends who have been there to offer their support, prayers and encouragement.
• Most of all, I will be looking forward to the day that I can announce his remission!

You are the God who performs miracles;  you display your power among the peoples.    Psalm 77:14


Milestones, Memories and Miracles!

Am I the only one that relies on certain milestones in life to be able to recall certain events or memories?   I bet not!   Especially those big milestones like High School Graduations, Weddings, and Births, etc.   It’s funny how many things I can only recall the time or year it happened because of a particular event….such as after I got married, before Zak was born, or after we moved into our new house. I can also determine the year because of the hairstyle in the picture or what car was being driven! 

That’s kind of how it is when it comes to dad’s cancer diagnosis.  I very clearly remember the date that we began his first bout with cancer… 2/14/2006 - Valentine’s Day.   Not being one to frequent the doctor’s office, we knew Dad was not feeling well when he finally agreed to see the doctor.  I remember receiving the call from my mom telling me that they were sending him to ER, thinking that maybe it was his gallbladder.  Instead, we soon learned that he was facing a fight with Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma.  To complicate matters he had to have an emergency hernia surgery after his first chemo-treatment which was to say the least, an inopportune time for surgery.  The ER physician that saw him before surgery was so callous and cold with his choice of words that I often suggested waltzing Dad back down through the ER after his recovery so this doctor could witness what a real miracle looked like!   That’s right….my dad is a miracle man!  He finished his chemo and we were informed very near Father’s Day that he was in remission…what a gift!   Another milestone!  As time moves on and we share stories or recall certain events, I often remember them happening before Dad’s cancer or after his remission.   Of course there are many other milestones that have occurred in our family since that time that I also use to mark time...such as my 40^th birthday, Zak getting his driver’s license, Cameron getting glasses, etc.  

Five years later and we are marking another milestone.  Dad began facing his second battle with cancer on November 4, 2011.  Since that time he has bravely endured the many scans, MRI’s, a bone marrow biopsy, a brain biopsy, chest port, ommaya reservoir placement, in-patient chemotherapy treatments, multiple blood draws, urine collection, not to mention the less than stellar hospital food and the nights of interrupted sleep.   He is my hero…facing it like a champ!  One day at a time, one appointment at a time and now what seems like one set-back at a time.  The chemo drug used for this type of cancer is not for the faint of heart. It means business and is now wreaking some havoc with his blood counts.  As we sit at this crossroad waiting to see what the next treatments steps will be, I can’t help but wonder what day this next miracle will take place.   You see, I am not just hoping, but praying for his healing.        I have faith it will come.  I am EXPECTING A MIRACLE!    This miracle will mark another milestone and wouldn’t it be nice if we could bookend his beginning and ending of cancer with the same date?  Sounds good to me – February 14^th sounds like a great remission date!  

I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in his word I put my hope!  Psalm 130:5

New Year, New Hopes!

I must admit that New Year’s is not among my favorite of holidays.  I’m not sure why…it’s supposed to be a chance to make resolutions, set new goals and reflect on the previous year.    I do love the chance for a do-over so you would think the New Year would serve as the perfect opportunity for a do-over. But alas, I have never been a big fan of resolutions…probably because I am not great at keeping them. I do take the time to reflect on the previous year and things that I would like to improve upon for the coming year.  My aversion to the beginning of the New Year may have to do with the fact that it quickly brings an end to my favorite holiday season.  I LOVE Christmas and all that it stands for!  The time with friends and family, the decorations, the food, the general merriment of the season, but most importantly that it represents the birth of Jesus Christ our savior.   I’ve joked for years that I suffer from the holiday blues… Of course my co-worker diagnosed, I mean informed me, that I probably have SAD—Seasonal Affective Disorder.  Phooey!   I’m not depressed; I just wish that the general good feelings of the holidays could last longer!  It does make me sad to see Christmas trees out on the curb the day after Christmas…does that count as depression?

Anyway, if you read my blog then you know that my family faced big challenges at the end of the past year.  This has caused me to do more reflection than usual and I am so thankful to be part of such a close family and to have so many special family friends that have been so supportive of us during this time through prayer, words of kindness, hospital & home visits and just being there with a hug when needed. 

So after reflecting on the past year and considering what areas I would like a do-over in, I have decided to just list my hopes for the New Year…

• I hope to strengthen my relationship with my savior.
• I hope to see healing for my dad!  Our family loves and needs him...enough said!
• I hope to be a better wife—not that I am not a pretty good wife already!  Though I do have e room for improvements…especially letting him know how much he is appreciated for all that he is and all that he does. 
• I hope to continue to grow as a mother.  My kids are at the age where they don’t feel like they need their parents so much anymore but I hope that they know how much they are loved and that I will always be there for them…in good times, in bad times, in happy and sad.  My mom is my rock and I want to be that for my boys.
• I hope to spend more time with my friends and to be a better friend.   Life can be busy and often times we get so caught up in our own families that we miss out on special friendships and the gifts that they bring to your life. 
•   I hope that I can be more aware of what is going on around me.  I can be guilty of dwelling on  ‘me’ and not realize what others may be going through.  I want to be an encourager!
• I hope that in whatever I do or say this year, I can always focus on the positive and let go of the negative.  There is so much more to be gained by positive energy... So long to the negative!
• All in all, my hope is for a good year…a better year…for myself and for you!  Bless you all!

Be of good courage, and he shall strengthen your heart, all ye that hope in the LORD.

Psalm 31:24

 

Food, Furniture, Fun & Family!

Now this blog was originally started to chronicle my journey through dad's battle with the C-word...cancer!  And while most of my posts to date have been a little more on the serious side I think it should be noted that my family also uses humor to cope with the situation.  My sister, Amy Lou-Who as I refer to her these days, termed some of my dad's funnier moments as 'Tumor Humor'.  So I'll share a few tidbits that I personally have found a little funny as we embark on dad's third hospital tour for Chemo treatment. 

First, there is Food!  Anyone that knows my mom knows that she is the ultimate hostess.  She will always have refreshments to offer if you visit her house and rest assured there has not been an individual yet to leave her house hungry!  Lest ye be hungry when you visit the hospital she has prepared her own traveling pantry to make sure that you do not go without food or drink!  No need to grab change for the vending machine...just check out the nightstand for a variety of stashed goodies! 

Speaking of nightstands....it appears that the hospital is putting some of their annual budget to good use and will be replacing furniture!  They removed the night stand today to bring in a new one....or maybe that was done under false pretense so they could check out the goody stash!  Nah...it was legit furniture replacement.  They also brought in new chairs!  Finally a decent reclining chair that mom can use to kick back and get her snooze on!  Though I did hear some begging and pleading had to be done in order to get an extra visitor chair...don't those people know that Pop is a popular man who has a traveling entourage!  Someone usually ends up sitting at the end of his bed....the bed that breathes!  I'm not sure why it's called a mattress because it is anything but cushy...just ask dad...he will tell you.  He will tell you loudly, repeatedly and frankly just how uncomfortable that piece of, I mean that mattress is!  At least he has the love and presence of his family to keep him happy while there...and the nurses and techs LOVE us, we make their jobs much easier! 

Nurse Amy Lou-Who has been with him this week while she is out of school and will be taking on the night shift tonight.  I'm so thankful she can be there this week.  She serves as company for mom, support for dad and ears for what the doctors have to say.  Of course she is also racking up the favorite daughter points too!  LOL!  We have joked forever about being the 'favorite daughter'.  Now she appears to be gunning for my favorite daughter status!  Seriously, she totally threw me under the bus by telling him I dropped the ball with not bringing him Nilla Wafers.  What??  Since I was told only to pick some up IF I got out and that he still had a half a box I thought I was safe in getting them later.  It was certainly safe to other shoppers who I promise would not have wanted to see me minus make-up that particular day!  Alas, we both know who the favorite daughter is...whoever is with him at the moment.  :)   In all seriousness we love our mom and dad and they love us and that is all that matters! 

So as we continue on this journey you can be sure there will be plenty of FOOD..food to be shared if you need a little snack to hold you over until dinner, there will be FURNITURE...maybe not the most comfortable ever made but a place to rest his head (or your bottom), FUN...trying to find the positive in every situation and FAMILY...we will always have each other!  And most importantly our FAITH to carry us through!

Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.
Hebrews 11:1